reflections on ...

What exactly is appropriate to blog? Are there topics that are off limits? Things that you aren't allowed to talk about? People that you aren't supposed to mention when you are blogging? I have had some interesting familial developments and I can't help but wonder if there are some things you just aren't supposed to say... maybe because it will cause some discomfort among readers? Maybe because when you put it out there, you can't take it back? I am not sure. Are you allowed to disclose problems in your family? Is it permissible to talk about abuses of any kind? Is it OK to tell your side of any story, knowing there is another side that may not agree with your side? Can I regurgitate frustrations and disappointments without sounding like a total maniac? Is there a way to blog all those things without causing massive amount of waves that will forever rock the boat of life? I mean what do you do exactly, when you feel you have something more to say on a subject that may be negative, when you are used to blogging only the positive? Really, feedback would be totally appreciated!

Now that I have regurgitated that mess... moving onward and upward! There will be a happier blog to follow with awesome photos of my sons... Where does the time go?

On a lighter note, we are still in OK and those feet are (obviously) Jackson's with his new John Deere Camo (soft-soled) boots, courtesy of his Daddy, purchased at Atwoods... can I just say... How hick can you get in one week??? They are super cute, though and he will be wearing them all summer with his (very non-hick) summer short outfits. I love something that brings a great smile to my day and these boots did it!!

Speaking of smiling... I went with Ria antique shopping in Kansas (yes, the state) yesterday... tons of fun for a girls morning out... we are less than 20 miles to the Kansas border and we were able to add another state to the lengthening lists of places traveled for Jackson... tomorrow we fly out of Tulsa back to Houston... YAY!

I am going home to Texas tomorrow and really, really looking forward to it... I miss my bed. But, spending time with Steve & Ria has been tons of fun. They are such a loving family and we really appreciate them letting us crash and take over their guest room ... ad really the hole house with all the baby stuff! It has been so amazing to have Jeff & Jackson spend oodles of time together... we all needed this so bad!

And just one more thing to add: Jeff has a phone interview for a position in Houston this morning... we would appreciate all the prayers we can get! Two years of living apart is quite enough!! Very serious hopes and prayers for our family to be back together full time... this commuter thing to and from Houston and Bartlesville is so hard: emotionally and financially!!!

He rolled over - the other way!!!

We were spending some time outside, laying on the blanket in the cool afternoon breeze of OK spring, when Jackson decided to roll over from back to front for the very first time! The date? May 22, 2009! He is amazing... more of the OK trip to be chronicled later!

Jackson is 4 Months!!

Where does the time go? I swear he just got here... he has been busy and to reflect on the last month: he rolled over, has purposeful movements, grabs, coos and babbles, rolls from front to back, blows bubbles, and now is eating some solid foods... he is just amazing! Summer is here! We are currently in OK, spending time with friends, since Jeff works here Monday through Friday... and life is great... can't wait for June - it is full of visitors and travel for us. Jackson is such a great traveler... endured the 12 hour drive up here with ease and we plan to fly home Monday (Memorial Day)... this is such a fun time!

random thoughts on my men...

It has been forever since I felt like I had a "normal" life. But, that is how it goes in my world and I am not complaining. To say that my life is busy is an understatement, but don't we just continue to make the time and prioritize and reevaluate those things that come up that we may value more... I am reflecting on Dad and his recent illness... the long struggle since mid-March to get him better. Of course, he is improving and each small step is something I cherish... How Jeff and I have been living in two different states for over two years now and he continues to commute home to see me and Jackson every weekend, regardless of time and expense, accommodations are made.... How Jake has completed his freshman year of college (this semester earning 4 B's and 1 A in 16 units... Go Jake! I know, brag, brag, brag!!!)... and how my littlest man, Jackson changes every single day, discovering the world around him and I stand by in awe of the majesty of it all. Family is something I value above all else... something instilled in my soul and it makes up the fabric of my being... We all have struggles and our family is not exempt from that... although we do try to make the very best of it all... I am so glad it is "Friday night," even though the clock is way after midnight here and I am still awake... knowing Jeff will be home from OK any minute (10 hour drive)... Jake is home from college for the summer (except his job at the gym and taking a math class at the local community college to get ahead) and getting to spend so much time with his remarkable GF, Hannah... and lil Jackson (still in the co sleeper in my room), snoozing and breathing next to me (music to my ears) and just grateful for what I do have and the amazing men in my life: Jeff, Jake, Jackson, and Dad! You all amaze me! I am blessed....

seriously tired....

Some days are easier than others... today was not necessarily an easy day... I had a doctor appointment and Jake watched Jackson for me... I left the two of them alone, together... for the first time. It freaked me out a little, but Jake loves him and he was well care for... even after a couple diaper changes and a bottle or two... remarkably the doctor visit was complete and the grocery shopping got done... And because of the crazy heart monitor that is now strapped to me for twenty four hours, Jack Jack Attack was back in the house... you can't tell by the photo above... which was early evening, playing with Auntie Cheri and singing the hippopotamus song... he giggled and laughed and blew incredible spit bubbles. Boy, this lil' dude love music! But, my evening was as close to Hell as you can get... and made worse by the feeling of exhaustion overcoming me... I really wish Jeff could move back to Houston (ASAP)... this two year long distance thing sucks!

Bet ya can't guess what's going on in this picture... LOL! What I was trying to do was get a good shot of his eyes... they are so dark blue, but filled with lots of dimension like a deep pool of water... below is said picture finally obtained... I think it shows his eyes a little better... but since he was such a stinker to me tonight... with a fit of 30 minute nonstop screaming, I just had to embarrass his future by adding the photo above! That is love for you!!!! He is sound asleep, snoring next to me and it is 1115pm! I am seriously tired... wishing and praying for a nap sometime and anytime!!! Can I have Mother's Day all over again... with breakfast in bed and a mid-day nap??? I didn't get that the first go-round and I really, really want it!

Jackson's CA Trip May 2009

May 2, 2009: Captain's log book Saturday May 2... Jackson and I flew from Houston to Ontario, CA on board a Continental 737... we were blessed to fly first class (gotta love those frequent flyer miles)... He was so good on the plane... only fussy for just a few minutes and walking first class corrected that! The flight attendant was so sweet and she offered to hold him while I went potty and had a glass of water... as any mom who has ever flown with a small child knows: this is an incredible blessing! Auntie Jessica picked us up and we went straight to Miguel's Jr in Norco! YUM! That is always the first stop... as long as we arrive during an hour that they are open...

Good evening just chillin' at the Endresen home in Elsinore...

Sunday May 3rd started at 530 am for me, Jackson was UP... on Texas time... and he barely napped more than 15 minutes at a time the whole day... needless to say, it was a long day. But, we did have Del Taco... and hung out with Josh & Jess. Noni came over in the afternoon to visit a bit... Sorry she got all the pics with her camera, so unless she sends them to me, I have nothing to share from that visit.

Monday May 4th was a great day! But, the great treat, besides getting to shower for me, was that my awesome sister (in law) Kellie brought over Del Taco!!So I got to get my green burrito with fries... the junk food in CA is really good... laughing!

Tuesday May 5th Desarie came out from the farthest point in Riverside possible to Elsinore to take me and Jackson out to lunch and shopping... we also visited Auntie Kellie's work, ate some burgers... Desarie's son Ethan is just 3 weeks younger than Jackson and so he buddied-up for some good times. What a sweetheart to come all the way out to get me on the town. Then, we went to Miquel's Jr (again) for dinner... with Josh, Jess, Kellie and Tanner and Trenten, and the Shadwick's: Fara, Steve, Drew, and Stevy. What a great way to end the evening.

Wednesday May 6th was a quieter day... I had originally planned to go to Scott & Mina's... but Jeff invited Kellie, Jackson, and I to Parker's Lighthouse in Long Beach to see the Evans'. So, it turned our evening into a really, really busy one.... (after another Del Taco lunch from Kellie). So, we picked up a rental car that Jeff reserved for us, Kellie was so amazing taking the entire evening from her family to drive me to Long Beach from Elsinore... but, we got the rental car, stopped by her house to start the boys' homework and dinner, we were on the road. And the "gods" were with us, no stopping in traffic.... although there are LOTS and LOTS of cars on the road. What a great evening with my sister.... we were able to laugh and spend time together... we chatted all the way there and laughed all the way home about the dinner conversations. It was a complete hoot and we both are blessed to have so much time together. Auntie Judy (Jeff's aunt on his mother's side) was soooo excited to see Jackson. The photos reflect that excitement ad she even said he is the most beautiful baby ever!!! We agree, but her granddaughter isn't due until September, she may change her mind then.... I feel certain she will! Jackson got to meet his great-grandparents Mary & Cleo Evans and that was worth the business and commute...

***as a side note*** it is the one year anniversary of getting "pregnant" with Jackson... one year ago (5/6/08) Jeff & I were at the fertility doctor getting our "needles" and creating this little guy in a petrie dish.... amazing that year has been so full of blessings!

Thursday, May 7th was mine and Jeff's 21st wedding anniversary. Jackson and I slept in a bit and got ourselves ready.... Jeff came home around 11am, took us to Miquel's Jr for lunch (I know, Mexican food again!) and then we were off to LA to see some friends and family... we visited the Evans' office and it was great to see Dawn & Sandy & Candi... we laughed and caught up on old times and older friends... and the only thing bad was how blazing hot it was both outside and at the office, where the air conditioning went out! UGH! We returned to Elsinore where Josh & Jess babysat our favorite little dude and Jeff & I headed to an awesome and amazing dinner at Mario's Place in Riverside with George & Tina... the food was amazing,the atmosphere eclectic, the service good, but the friends and laughter is the best!!! The traffic was horrific almost all day... and I was so glad I decided not to drive in LA. Being in the backseat with Jackson was the best place for me! Jeff took a break from his work schedule and slept over with Jackson and I at Josh & Jess'... but he was back to work at 430 in the morning!! YUCK!

***if you get to Riverside, CA, I would recommend Mario's to you:

http://mariosplace.com/mariosplace_menu.html it was super yummy and we are forever grateful to our friends for treating us on our special day!!!***

Friday, May 8th Jackson and I relaxed in the morning... Jeff got "home" around 2pm... and then Noni & Grandpa came to visit Jackson. I got a few photos this time with Grandpa, but none with Noni... I always using her camera and forgetting to grab mine... so unless she sends me pics... I am out of luck for the albums I am making. UGH! Its like forgetting you have a camera! I hate that... after that visit, we went to Willy & Marissa's house in Wildomar... just a few minutes away and they treated us to some yummy take out and a walk down memory lane. The thing that will always stick in my mind is how much Jackson LOVED Marissa's Dad... Jackson's abuelo now forever! It was so cute!!

Saturday, May 9th started out very early... which was fine with Jackson still on TX Time... we were at breakfast at Mimi's Cafe (our closest one at home is Dallas, about 3 hours away)... My cousin Janelle drove out to meet us and take time from her schedule to play with our new guy... from there we were off to the Arnold's, where Gavin helped feed Jackson, Bailey wasn't too sure of Jackson and even thought he was smelly (which he was)... Mina took some amazing photos of Jackson and they are posted on our facebook site! She is so talented and their new home is gorgeous! Then, we were off to the Shadwick's to meet Fara & Steve's granddaughter, Skylar, just two weeks old.... and super sweet. We stayed for some scrumptious meatball sandwiches, then had to get "home" for company... Back at the Elsinore Endresen's Auntie Di came out from Long Beach to see us. This wonderful and awesome lady worked all day and still drove like 60 miles to see us and meet Jackson. H didn't disappoint her... there were lots of cuddles. Auntie Kellie and the boys came back over and she got tons of auntie kisses, too... then a few girlfriends from the high school days: Carol, Dianna, and Chere, joined us for some yummy grilled chicken and a night of gossip, chatting and chaos! It was tons of fun and thanks to Josh & Jess for opening their house to us and our friends for a great evening... we are so blessed!!!

Mother's Day: breakfast burritos at SS Burger Basket (since we only have breakfast tacos in Texas)... then a great flight home. Jackson is such a good traveler... looks like we may be flying back out to Cali in June.... for just a weekend or so... but, Jackson was really SO WELL BEHAVED, I am not worried to travel with him by plane.

Overall, it was a great and relaxing week... I needed the break from home, got some rest, visited tons of our friends and family and feel so VERY, VERY GRATEFUL for each person who made the effort to come see us... with such understanding and love in their hearts. They rearranged their lives for a day, an evening, a few hours, to come see us and meet our new son... we feel blessed and really happy that they did!!!

Leave for Cali Today!!

So, my little man wakes up with so much joy in his heart, it spills over to his attitude and he is nothing but laughter and smiles... we were just getting dressed for the day, when he started really, really laughing and smiling. I quickly grabbed the camera for a few candid shots and I swear this would be the perfect laughter shot if he didn't have all the goop in his left eye (still suffering the clogged tar duct thing and having lots of eye buggers in the morning) and if he didn't have the faintest bugger out of his left nostril and the self-inflicted scratch on his nose... but, who is perfect, right? (I did finally get his finger and toe nails trimmed last night after daddy rocking him ni-night). He is still to cute and full of sunshine! He is teething up a storm and we have drool and snot all the time now! He is such a boy! Laughing. As you can tell by the picture, he is one very happy little guy. His favorite-est things this month are: playing in the exer-sauce, making music happen on any toy that will make music, being outside - oh, how he LOVE to be outside (rain or shine), and watching/listening to musical shows on TV - like the Owl singing on Winnie-the-Pooh or the Wiggles... he gets so excited when music happens!

My big guy is home for the weekend... taking his girlfriend, Hannah to her prom tonight. I can't wait to see the pictures... her dress is very gorgeous and red... Jake is wearing black on black tux/shirt, with red/black paisley vest. The corsage is so beautiful... red roses and orchids... I really am happy for them. Jake gets out of school this week and gets to move back home for summer. He already got his old job back at Lifetime Fitness, working in member services, front desk. He will be working and taking Trig at the local community college this summer. I don't envy his schedule. The good thing is, he and Hannah will have the summer together... looking forward to vacation!

Jeff left for Sacramento this morning to visit our dear friend, John Wadden, before working in Northern and Southern CA all week. On Thursday we will celebrate 21 years of wedded-bliss... and at least we will be together for a date on Thursday night. Auntie Kellie has volunteered to babysit and he loves his Auntie Kellie! I am also excited for Jessica to meet Jackson... I just know she is going to LOVE him!!! He is so outgoing and fun to be around... I will try to blog while on vacation and see if I can update along the way... its going to be a very fun and (hopefully) relaxing week for the both of us. We need a stress reducer for sure!

...and just to update you, on Thursday last week we brought Dad home from the hospital with a hospital bed and wheelchair and we will be rehabilitating him at home. Mom is doing a great job so far, being Nurse Ratchet... and Dad has been likened to Archie Bunker already and I will say, as hard as the work is and as stressful... it is also humorous and rewarding. Dad is doing better already: appetite back, standing, transferring on his own... I bet he even starts walking a bit before I get home from Cali! I can't wait to see how he progresses with his home physical therapy and the home health nurse checking in on his twice while I am gone. Thanks to an amazing team of caregivers for allowing me to step away: Cheri, Shelley, Jaime, Cynthia, and of course, AMAZING Mom!

Gotta finish packing for Jackson's first airplane ride... all the way to California! He is gong First Class... in case you were wondering!