Jackson's First Bath

Big Brother Jake was home this weekend and some awesome bonding happened! Here is Jake comparing his hand size to Jackson's and just loving his lil bro! Fun Times!
Below is a collage of his first bath, which he loved! He lost the rest of his cord this morning, so bath time it is! He loved the warm water and didn't cry at all during the bath... we got him warm right away and he smelled SO YUMMY!

first night out

One thing I would advise parents of a newborn on is to take time for their relationship and for the relationships with their other kids. Of course, this is so much easier said than done. Yesterday, Jake and Hannah had invited us to the movies and Cynthia had offered to babysit our new little man, Jackson. So, after a little discussion with Jeff on the importance of showing Jake that we care about him just as much as his little brother and that we are willing to take time for him, we called up Cynthia and took her up on the offer.

I won't lie, it was hard to leave him. And believe me, Cynthia is a pediatric intensive care nurse and more than highly qualified to care for a healthy newborn and Jeff and I totally trust her with our lives.... it was still hard. After we dropped him off, Jeff, Jake, Hannah and I headed for La Madeleine for dinner. I was a little nervous and kept feeling like something was missing... of course, my Jackson was, but I persevered. After dinner, when we all headed to Starbucks for a little treat, i called to check on him. Of course, he was doing just fine and dandy, eating, playing, and being a good boy for Cynthia. As the movie started (New In Town with Renee Zellweger and Harry Conick Jr), I was feeling a little anxious and it actually crossed my mind to walk out and go get my new little bundle. I reminded myself that this is good for me, Jackson, and Jake. So, I stayed. (On a side note, the movie is cute and a little predictable, but a good show).

It turned out to be a good experience and after picking up our little man and feeding him and snuggling with him, we headed home for a good nights rest. He is doing a little better every day and last night he was in bed by 11, up at 1230, up at 230, then Jeff got up for the day at 530 this morning. Much better, as he is going back to sleep in between the feeding intervals.

Today has been a little challenging, Jackson has an eye infection. We called the local urgent care and they wont see a baby at this age for that and referred us to the emergency room. We had been over at Mammie & Poppie's house visiting Auntie Jaime and Auntie Alysha and were all packed up and in the car when the pediatrician on call phoned us back to say she would call in a prescription and stay out of the ER. YAY! That is good news, but the conjunctivitis isn't. So, now little Jackson will be on the eye ointment for a few days and we have to follow up next week. Photos should get interesting with the left eye being a little red and goopy from the medicine. Oh well, there are those ups and downs in caring for a newborn.

It is great seeing Jake this weekend. I love it when he is home. He is always a great joy to be around... and I am just a proud mom. No work on his application from LSU yet... they were still waiting on his high school transcripts. He is considering playing football for McMurray in Abilene, TX or Louisiana State in Baton Rouge, LA. I will say Jeff and I prefer LSU to McMurray because it is (1) closer to home, (2) it actually has his major in an accredited industrial engineering program, and (3) its a larger school that will offer him to join the fraternity he wants to, like his dad, and give him more options at friends and a social life, and (4) some larger companies in the Houston area recruit for jobs from LSU, giving him an opportunity to return to the Houston area to work and live, like he wants to do. We just keep praying God will lead Jake in the direction he should go.

a few of my favorite (baby) things...

While Jackson is allowing me a few minutes to write as he chills in his bouncer seat, I thought I would mention a few of my favorite things this go-around. As a seasoned mom, from years ago, some of the newest stuff is the best of inventions. We avoided pricey and plastic, accepted a lot of hand-me-downs in both clothes and toys/necessities. But, a few of my totally favorite things right now are G Diapers and my Co-Sleeper by Arm’s Reach.


G Diapers! I LOVE THEM!!! This is how that love story began… I went web searching for diaper that would work on sensitive skin and also an environment friendly diaper and knew for sure I didn’t want to do cloth (too much work washing and they are so wet next to the baby’s skin). What I found was the G Diaper (www.gdiaper.com). The absolute best diaper ever! Seriously, I have done my own miniature research. We can home from the hospital with Pampers and mom and Shelley made my diaper cakes from the Seventh Generation for the baby shower (they are a soft brown color due to the no chlorine approach). So, I had three different types of diapers to test and try. Here are the results of my very unscientific study… The Pampers and the Seventh Generation feel rougher on the Heine, they leaked more times than not, and they require somewhere to put them. The G Diapers are super soft, they leak less by design, they are healthier for baby skin, and they can be flushed (YES, flushed) or when put in the trash, they biodegrade in less than thirty days… (Pampers and Seventh Generation take more than 500 YEARS). They are easy to use and wicked cute: certainly more flair for the rear end. I really just love them and so does Jackson. The adjustable waist makes them a lot more comfortable for our little man… and on and on I could go. If you are planning a baby in the near future, try them out. Jackson has all the colors except the pinks and extremely girlie colors… We love them! By the way, when you plan to flush them you save money: no diaper genie, no special diaper pail or hamper, less odor, less trash, low maintenance. Go to the site and watch the videos…. I mean I LOVE them!


The Arm’s Reach Co-Sleeper. We didn’t get the mini co-sleeper, as most of you know, these Endresen babies can get big fast. So, in lieu of bassinet or cradle, we chose the co-sleeper. Its greatest appeal is that it attaches to our bed and is immediately at my side… right against our bed for easy reaching during the night. I don’t even have to get up to comfort him, he is right there. The added advantage is that it converts into a play yard for later use. It comes in so many colors, of course we chose brown and cream (neutral) and our favorite colors. There is so much space in this co-sleeper and it folds into a travel bag for easy travel. Love it! It is so much more user friendly than the cradles and bassinets of twenty years ago. That is my other love… but the first is that G Diaper… AMAZING!
By the way, how do we get Jackson’s schedule reversed? I think his days and nights are totally confused! LOL!

Jackson is One Week!

We started our day with a visit to our fertility specialist & her amazing staff!!! They were such a blessing during our entire journey! We love everyone there... thanks y'all for making our miracle possible.

Just chillin' @ the attorney's office completing the paperwork on adopting our own son. We had a glich or two in the hospital and we are working out the details. Today, we started the adoption and termination of rights for Jaime. More to come on that subject...


Visiting Auntie Jaime today for lunch... simply put, she rocks and looks amazing. You can't even tell she was ever pregnant! I wish I had been that fortunate!!!

…on the eve of Jackson turning one week old…

What a week of emotions! We are all settling into somewhat of a routine… Jackson has had his first pediatrician visit and passed with flying colors. He is healthy and perfect, only glitch in the system… lactose intolerance. We had to switch him from regular formula to the sensitive and lactose free formula. He is doing much better now, not that he was doing badly before. He eats, sleeps, and we are getting lots of practice at diaper changes. We are nowhere near sleeping through the night, but both Jeff and I are enjoying the night time bonding… there is something to totally appreciate about that quality one on one time, amid total exhaustion and complete love and dedication… it’s just wonderful.


We are meeting with our attorney tomorrow. The Texas laws are clear that surrogacy, validated by the family courts, is legal and we had nothing but problems with the hospital risk department. They refused to put either Jeff or I on the birth certificate, even though we had our gestational agreement. So, instead of continued distress and emotional duress, we let them place Jaime on the birth certificate as “mother,” even though Jaime was irritated and we were too. So, tomorrow we start the process of adopting our own genetic child. What a hoot. I will update you as we go… but, we hear it is really a matter of paperwork and court validation, followed by a six month wait for the official degree of adoption. At that time, they will alter Jackson’s birth certificate to show that Jeff and I are the parents. I won’t go into extreme details about the hospital occurrences, but let’s just say that all the nursing staff and caregivers rocked, but administration was less than nice, mainly witchy and without any compassion. Glad that is over…. Whew!


Jaime is doing great. I talked to her today and we are hoping to have lunch with her tomorrow. She says she is still sore, trouble sitting, but the back is so much better. Bless her heart. She had such horrific back pain! We are glad she is doing better. Enjoy the photos… computer time is difficult to get these days… and uploading photos… that is becoming a one-handed art. Television is not really an option, cooking is now a challenge, and yet we haven’t ever been happier and more filled with joy. xoxo

Photo Update

labor day... here we are on January 21, 2009!! Jaime was induced and we checked into the hospital at 5 am, she was started on the meds just before 7am. She was incredible!!

Jackson James Endresen was born at 7:02 pm...
he had a little trouble breathing at first, but recovered well.
He weighed 7 pounds & 12 ounces and was 20 inches long.

Jake came home from college on Friday, January 23 and met his new little brother -
his mini-me. Jake was tearful and loving, as well as proud... proclaiming he was bigger when he was born... awesome bonding!

Above & Below are a few photos of visitors... family, friends, loved ones!

Written the night Jackson was born...

Amazing how a single moment can change your life. It is 2 am on Thursday morning and I just finished putting Jackson back to sleep in his crib. He is peacefully sleeping at my bedside. We have been trying to breastfeed for the last hour. I think we wore each other out and can no longer function. Since I woke at 330am on 1/21, my son’s birthday, I am now approaching being awake for 24 hours, with only on 2 hour cat nap in the whole time. Tired is my new best friend and of course, I am so wired thinking about my blessings, I can’t sleep.

Jaime is the most amazing woman I know. Her strength is a testament to womanhood. She labored with such a vigilance and determination; I am so proud and so amazed at what she can do. I am overwhelmed with love and emotion this morning as I think how she selflessly gave of herself to bring Jeff & I this little miracle. She volunteered her body and her spirit to bring Jackson to our home… Just being a front row witness to the miracle of life yesterday, to watch Jaime push my son out into the world and be with him as he took his first breaths… words fail me. I am so proud of Jaime, for the woman she has become, for the love in her spirit, for the dedication to family, for being on this journey with us. She is a trooper and a miraculous gift.

Of course, now there are tears stinging my eyes with gratitude for my blessings. I am grateful for Jaime for helping bring this darling angel to our lives. I am thankful for Jackson and the love that fills my soul at first site. I am grateful for my supportive and loving husband and for the journey we are on together in this life, without his unending love and support we wouldn’t have our new son. I am grateful for the family and friends that stood by our side, both literally and figuratively yesterday as we labored and worked toward our son. I thank God every day for Jake, for the man he has become, for the joys he brings to our lives, for the loving young man that brings immeasurable joy to our lives. I am grateful for our church family who sustain us and for the clergy that come to our side with every trial, joyful or sorrow. I am blessed, truly blessed and my soul sings gratitude this morning for the gift of life and how God has blessed us…

Jackson James Endresen entered our world on January 21, 2009 at 1902 (7:02pm). He weighs 7 pounds and 12 ounces and is 20 inches long. He had a bit of trouble breathing in the beginning, bringing me a little panic, but was able to reverse that within a short time. We owe a debt of gratitude to the nursing staff at MHHS Katy Hospital Labor and Delivery; they are the most compassionate and understanding souls that graced our lives yesterday. Our physician was awesome and understanding and a great coach for Jaime with her soft spoken and loving nature. Thank you to Kellie, Shelley, & Cheri for being the phone tree and calling those who were anxiously awaiting news. Thanks to the Panahi’s for bringing us dinner at the hospital and for everyone that offered kindnesses. And I am sure Jeff could agree, thanks so much for the Starbuck’s Shelley, some things are a necessity and for Jeff, coffee tops the list. There will be more to come. For now, I close in love and remembering Jacque while welcoming Jackson. xoxo

Today is the Day

I don't even know how to begin the entry for today. Jeff & I have been up since 330 this morning and have checked Jaime into the L&D unit at Memorial Hermann Katy Hospital. The nurses from night shift worked as an incredible team starting her IV, hooking up the monitors. My first phone call this morning was from Jaime, but my second was from Kellie at 415 am!! She just had to call us, she said. She was in tears and just so grateful for the journey. Jaime and I were both so happy this morning... and I have to admit to having less sleep in the last 36 hours than I hoped to have... of course, no crying over spilled milk now!

Yesterday we had qite a scare with the hospital scheduling yesterday... I called my dear friend Amy, who happens to work in L&D and WE WEREN'T on the schedule. The doctor's assistant had scheduled us at the OTHER hospital in Katy and we didn't want to deliver there! Amy helped get us on the very full schedule at Katy and all was fixed because of her. Thank God for Amy and God Bless her!!! Snaffu fixed and all is well!

I woke this morning in tears, tears of gratitude, tears of love, tears of appreciation. I am so very, very blessed for having Jaime in my life. Who would've known that this little girl, 7 years old when Jeff and I married in 1988, would become on of my closest and dearest friends and that she would i turn bring this incredible gift of life to our lives. Tears fall even now when I think about all the beauty brought to my life with this baby journey. Jaime has been a miracle, an honest to goodness Angel in our lives.

It is almost 7 am now and Jaime is starting to have some lower abdominal cramping due to the Pitocin. She is excited and nervous and we are all together in the room, waiting for the next step to happen. I wish I had words that were as profound as the nervous excitement and energy in this room, words that described the beauty and love here... words that encapsulated the meaning of this journey to all our lives. More to come... photos on Facebook as updates happen.

Wednesday will be the day!

Just got home from the OB appointment and dinner with the family... The doctor will be inducing Jaime starting Wednesday morning... so by Wednesday afternoon, we should be holding our little man. Jeff is currently in OK, but coming home tomorrow. Hope Jackson waits until then! Jaime is dilated to 2 cm and more than 50% effaced... all good signs. His head is down and ready to go! Can't wait for the next update... YAY!!!

World Tour

Finding things to write about is not always easy, but yesterday the kids gave me such a great show that I had to share. We were watching the Cardinals win in AZ and head to the Superbowl and our half time shows as well as in between the Ravens/Steelers match, we were rocking to World Tour. I have to say that as a band, we started out really shaky... I mean really shaky. We got booed off the stage a few times when we were first getting started... and it was great with Jake on drums or even Kevin, who is a born percussionist... Hannah might need a little more practice on her drum skills... but Shelby on Bass! WOW! and both Hannah and Shelbs on Guitar... they rock. Jake, too. But the vocals, now that is the highlight of the night! And if any of you have actually heard me sing anything... you know the truth hidden deep in sarcasm: I was so great... My rendition of "No Sleep 'til Brooklyn" a la Beastie Boys... well, lets just say WOW! Beat it was another fav of mine, since I know Michael Jackson so well and love him so much!!! (can you feel the love?) Seriously, we had some great laughs and it was a perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon: good friends, good food, and good times. Thanks to the young 'uns for showering me with fun!

Still no baby news... Jaime was over last night and she is amazing. Her feet are swollen, her back is sore, she is exhausted... weren't we all at 39 weeks (today)... ??? She is a trooper. We see the OB today at 4pm... can't wait to hear what she has to say. We just keep moving along. More updates when we have news! xoxo

38 weeks & Jake heads bck to school for Spring Semester!

We had a fun night last night saying our good lucks and good byes as he heads back to Jacksonville (TX) for another semester at Lon Morris College (pronounced at times as lawnmower college)... LOL!

He is ready for another semester and this time it will be so cold up there. He left this morning with his camo jacket and Canadian ball cap on... and it is COLD here. Anyway, we had a great time last night... yummy dinner and lots of laughter. We followed up dinner with some Starbucks and chillin' with some of our favorite girls. We are so lucky to have Hannah, Shelby, and Amanda as friends! Hannah & Jake make the cutest couple and we jut love when they are together...

(and as an unfortunate side note and update, Jake is no longer in a relationship with Michelle)... It's kind of weird to have to update the blog with my son's love life... which I try not to do, but when you have two different girls pictured over two weeks... well, I felt obligated. Jake & Hannah go way back and have been friends since summer.

Anyway, additional update on Jake is that he applied to LSU for fall of 2009 this week. Hoping to become a Tiger later this year... and his major is Industrial Engineering. Prayers please that he is accepted to his school of choice in Baton Rouge, LA. Its just a little farther from home, like 4-5 hour drive, but it is his top choice of accredited engineering programs. We will be visiting the campus in either February or March and I will update you as we have news. He has only been gone an hour and I miss him already...

Here is an awesome photo of my Surro-Angel Jaime at 38 weeks... Isn't she gorgeous?

Jaime went to the OB yesterday afternoon and she is dilated to one cm... ONE! Jaime is quoted as saying "at least its a start to the process" and I concurred, saying: "it sure is, after you know 71 hours of induced labor with Jacque I was at one cm!" Laughing...

Anyway, she is ready, she says for the big day. We are counting down... thought for sure that she would have started already... but, NOPE! Nothing, Nada! He doctor told her is she sees her again in the office (next Monday there is another appointment), she will "do something" to get the process started... doesn't that sound fun?

Finally! A Christmas Collage!

finally! a collage created of Christmas morning at the Endresen Home!

just waiting...

Yesterday was one of our now weekly OB appointments… Jaime is doing great. BP great, weight awesome and now that Jackson has stopped craving Kit Kat Bars, she is actually down two pounds. We laughed about that. The doctor’s best guess says that our little man is about 6 to 6 ½ pounds right now and still baking. Next week we will do a check to see if Jaime is dilating… no news is good news right now. The month seems like it is moving warp speed to me. I know it is because we are so excited. Even Jake said to me today: “I am so excited for Jackson to get here!” I feel like I have prayed, waited, planned, prepared, and waited some more and prayed some more and now it is almost tangible. Can’t wait to see what the next week brings… Jaime said this weekend is a possibility because Jeff will be in FL hunting and I will be at the Hannes farm… with both parents taking the last mini-break before the baby comes home… she is thinking it is likely. Mom says no way, not until the end of the month… We just have to wait and see.

Bowling & Baby Reflection

Things are getting warmer for sure. I had the great opportunity to see Jaime tonight and she , simply put, looks amazing. Pregnancy has never agreed more with a person. What people say – about pregnant women glowing – its so true, but even more so in Jaime’s case. She looks like a million bucks! Her skin is clear and she looks so happy, so mature, and at peace. Maybe that is it, peaceful and filled with joy. Of course, her abdomen is rather large and she is guessing Jackson at about five pounds as of today… a little while left to go to get some more chunky on that monkey! Jaime is complaining of lower leg and feet and ankle swelling now and it is a bit on the puffy side, but her blood pressure and weight remain great and she has done a great job with this pregnancy, and way better than I could’ve done it that is for sure.

I am so excited, nervous, and elated about little Jackson coming home with us. I don’t think I could be more prepared: the nursery is done, the co-sleeper assembled, the car seat ready to go into the car. Its all ready… and yet I am getting nervous. Probably like all new parents, but I am not new at this. I have raised two awesome, responsible, loving, productive children and this is my bonus round. I was younger the first go-round for sure, but with youth came the facts that there wasn’t a lot of money and hardly ever time to spend… Jeff was always working, trying to get ahead. We couldn’t take the time to sit back and enjoy it very often because we were so busy with the business of surviving. I did have more energy back then, though. I could run and play for hours… likely not able to do that anymore without some extra sleep! Laughing… I know I am not “too old,” as there are many women who are just starting out at my age – and even much older! But, I am on the closer side to forty than thirty and that leaves me a little nervous. I would’ve never guessed ten years ago that I would be having another baby around forty. I hope I can keep up and do everything I need to and want to!

I am blessed to have the opportunity and without my awesome surro-angel and sister I wouldn’t be getting another chance like this. I am so lucky and fortunate to have such an amazing person in my life that would offer to bring such a gift into our lives. Jaime is a blessing to us and she is so appreciated.

On a lighter note, posted is a photo from last night’s date night with Jeff, Jake and his new girlfriend, Michelle. We went to dinner, bowling, ice cream, then home for some Wii competition at bowling and golf. We had a great time and we love spending time with Jake. He is so awesome and anyone who has had the opportunity to get to know him as an adult will agree. There is something special about him, resilient, and we are so proud. Signing off for some relaxation and movies with my better half!

New Year's Resolutions

New Year’s Resolutions? Who keeps those things anyway? Aren’t they marked by good intentions and always end in failure, feeding to the continued obsessions of most people that their self worth is based on external forces? Not for me, thanks. I mean tradition warrants that we must at least consider some things to add to our list of personal make-over’s: weight loss, improved health, increased journaling, more photos, stop smoking, quit drinking, renewed energies spend at long overdue life requirements. I have definitely given some thought in this direction… but, what I have decided to do is let go... not a resolution, but more of a commitment to accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can, and I am always searching for the wisdom to know the difference.

First things first… forgiveness. I have to forgive myself for not being the perfect self I always had the striving to be. I am not perfect, I will likely never be perfect, and accepting that can only bring me increased happiness. In forgiving myself I have to look to others as well… and let go of old arguments and dreams of improved relationships. Some things are out of my control and cannot be made better, regardless of how hard I try… so, I ceremoniously let them go into the great oblivion of my heart…. Of course I am not the same person today that I was three years ago or even one year ago. I am simply me and the best me I can be. So, I forgive myself for the things I did that caused pain to others… my tongue is definitely sharper than it used to be years ago… But, I no longer need or desire the forgiveness of those who were in the wake of my volatile emotions. I have said my apologies, sought the forgiveness directly, and attempted amends as best I could. Those who refuse to participate in forgiveness or acceptance, it simply remains on them. I am moving forward and making the best of the new me… After all, I cannot change the past and I cannot make someone have kindness, forgiveness, understanding, and love… I can just offer those things to those who seek it from me, including myself.

The next on my list of life… completion. Oh my, how my life has been marked by the best of intentions to complete a task or project. I have of course, completed many projects, but it does seem that this is a daunting task at times. For instance, my dedicated process at degree completion… started years ago, I do keep plodding away at trying to improve myself through the education system and process. I am only a few classes away from the next milestone and yet, with each class I start I am motivated at the beginning and then find that I want to falter and quit half way through. Staying motivated seems a challenge. But a goal is to finish that next step in the process during 2009, regardless of a new baby, a son in college, a husband that lives out of state eighty percent of the time. I will get it done. (That is my personal pep talk).

Which brings me to motivation. Where can I find a good healthy supply of motivation to keep me on the treadmill, away from the second helping of potatoes (gosh, I mean I love potatoes… all food really, but potatoes most), and working toward that goal of lowering my blood pressure, decreasing my resting pulse, improving all my lab result numbers, and feeling better and more energetic about life. Grief has a way of zapping the best out of life and even when the normalcy seems to reoccur, that energy level is still never the same… the intensity is gone. And with that lack of motivation, lack of energy, and lack of self worth due to grief, comes the inevitable increase in the scale. So, not saying that my New Year’s resolve is to “lose weight,” but more get back to where I started from, a la Sgt. Pepper. Two and half years ago I had my daughter in my arms and less poundage on the scale… What I really want is my daughter back and since I am acutely aware that will not be happening regardless of how hard I wish, pray, or beg… it would be good for my well being to get rid of the grief weight attributed to comfort foods of homemade mac and cheese and potato casseroles. Dropping those thirty pounds of grief eating would be the best thing for my physical health I could do this year… just don’t know the exact mechanism. I am sure it will include that treadmill, some increased oatmeal breakfasts, and chasing a little one around as the year progresses and my anticipated baby goes from infancy to toddler over the first year of his life… Between that and breastfeeding, shouldn’t I be back to where I started from, maybe even healthier? I pray I can stay motivated to get me through it!

Last listed, but certainly not the least of these, is the goal of intention. I intend so many things and of course the road to you-know-where is always paved with good intentions. So, my goal isn’t for the thing or just one change, it is more that if it enters the personal list of “I intend to do this…” then, I will get it done. Like the blog, like my journaling, my care of the house, caring for dad, caring for my husband and my sons, my daughter’s grave… there is much to be intended, but my goal is to remain focused on the outcome so that what I intend to be, becomes.
Now, with all that said… Happy New Year to you and yours as we await the birth of our baby boy and prepare to send our oldest son back to college for another successful semester; as we pray for Jeff to get reassigned to Houston and for those in our family to have the love and foresight to recognize who we are and where we are in our journey through life. Letting go and moving forward, that is the destination of my life this year. May 2009 bring your family health, peace, happiness, and profound joys on their journey… with love.