WACKY Wednesday

Jaime had her second pregnancy test yesterday - she was supposed to blog the results - it was....drum roll, please... POSITIVE! Her level was 1725... that is a good number and it means PREGNANT! We are excited... she is already buying maternity clothes, and everyone says I plan ahead! HA! Anywho... that is the news... OH - and we get and ultrasound on JUNE 10 - no more official baby news until then... that is the next doctor appt and that should tell us that we have ONE baby in Jaime's womb (with a view) - today is a good day... xoxo

Tis Tuesday before Graduation

OK - I am so ready for Jake to graduate! He is ready, too. This week should go by very fast... I am working on my school paper this morning and doing some work around the house before running like a billion errands today to get ready for company. I have also spent a lot of time on the web looking for old friends and tattoo drawings... i clearly needed a mental break from reality! LOL! Jaime is glowing, she was over yesterday with Alysha to swim and she has her first maternity clothes on. She looks awesome. Of course, she isn't showing yet, but if you need clothes, why not just get some maternity clothes! LOL! I love being pregnant with Jaime... this has been so fun so far. She went to the dr again this morning... another reason for me to lolly-gag around waiting for the phone call to tell us the hcg results... they should be increasing and that will be awesome, too! Another week and a half until the ultrasound that tells us we have ONE little growing baby in that belly of Jaime's. Do you hear me sisters.... ONE BABY?!?! LOL! Anyway, I am going to refocus some energy this morning and see it I can't get busy on that homework assignment.... really 6 more classes for me and it is so hard to stay motivated. Of course, now that I am retired I have given lots of consideration to changing my major... who knows! XOXO

"back in the day" was never a Sunday.

Here we are on our way home from Louisiana... had to get that graduation tattoo for Jake in memory of Jacque - so he could carry her with him during graduation. The things I do for my son! Anyway, we are headed to our reconstructed home that is totally not complete right now. But, the tile is mostly done and the counter top should go in this week alone with those appliances and stuff... this is going to be a horrifically busy week for us with company coming in on Friday. Rhonda has some surprises for me and I am so excited about that! (Something with Jacque's artwork and some other keepsakes)... it is definitely original. And even if it isn't perfect, it will be so much improved. Jeff and I were just discussing how much fun we had with Jake, Will and Reese in Lake Charles. Lots of laughter and teen bonding, they are such great kids - good heads on their shoulders, they have such a great future ahead of them. They all make me so proud with their decisions.... Jake's tattoo is gorgeous, he drew it himself and Dreek at The Ultimate Tattoo shop on Ryan St in Lake Charles did a fabulous job on the art and shading. It looks so detailed and so great. Of course, Jeff couldn't resist getting tattooed again... whenever we go into a tattoo parlor, he just can't leave without adding more art to his body... so he redid his fraternity tattoo (again) and Dreek did a great job. I was so tired, I slept like he dead and so did everyone else! And, it is really starting to sink it that Jaime is pregnant with our baby... I started baby supply shopping on the web... no spending, just looking and reading and researching car seats, strollers, bottles - can you believe glass bottles are back in fashion? And with all the talk of leaching plastics, it is no wonder. Organic layette, side impact safe car seats... I mean really times they have changed over the last 18 years.... since I had a baby. And safer for the environment disposable diapers... and wipes that are alcohol-free and safer for the environment. This is going to be an adventure. Good thing my new kitchen sink is roomy for bathing! LOL! As my friend and designer, Rhonda, said: you could definitely fit more than one baby bottom in there! I am so excited for Jake's graduation... and so proud of him and looking forward to the next chapter in his life. He is so great! Just the most awesome son ever... I am looking forward to having our family together, too. Even if the house isn't complete... just all being together again will be awesome. Mom and I went to Jacque's space and placed some new flowers... mom did an awesome and gorgeous arrangement for her... in colorful silk Gerber daisies... welcoming in summer and the colors of celebration. Jacque would love it... and we passed the spring tulips over to Bill. Bill looked so over-looked and we like to put stuff with him, too. It looks so beautiful out there now, the trees are maturing, the flowers are in bloom, there are some new granite benches with crape myrtles planted near Jacque... it just overwhelmed me and I was grateful to be there. I was so happy to have sunglasses on so mom didn't see my tears... I just miss her a lot and more again lately... as the two year mark approaches, I am saddened again and again. She is more on my mind lately, especially with this new baby journey. I can feel her being part of it... I can feel her all around us and yet, I can't touch her or hold her or kisses and smell her... it is so hard this week. Anyway... I had better be done with this entry before I send myself back over the edge. XOXO

Saturda morning... living the dream

WOW! We were at lunch at Sylvia' Enchiladas with some great friends... waiting for the call. Finally, we couldn't take it any more. So, I called Dr. K's office and put Myra and Julie on speaker. There was a long pause and THEN - the words "she is pregnant" came across loud and clear! Jaime is pregnant with our baby. It is a blessing and a miracle. I am so excited and so is Jeff. We never, ever thought that this would be happening to us and for us. We are blessed and God is so good to us. We have been through so much in the last two years and our grief journey goes on, but to have this momentous amount of joy... Miracle, Blessing, Awesome... there are several words that help describe, but none that get close to the reality of the emotions. When we decided to adopt, we never even had the dream of having our own biological child. Being told so many years ago that I couldn't even EVER consider getting pregnant or having another child. Jaime coming to us and offering, wanting to be our surrogate has opened up my world and my heart to endless possibilities and profound joys and love. I know that this is also Jaime's journey, which is parallel, but separate from mine and Jeff's. She has her own life and I am so proud of her and her decisions... she is truly maturing into this awesome young woman. Even not looking at the surrogacy she is doing FOR us and WITH us... she is just amazing. Surrogate mothers are a very special breed of women... a real Angel on Earth. Anyway... you wouldn't even guess what I am doing this morning. I got up early, loaded the truck with teenagers (Jake, Will, and Reese) and we are headed to Lake Charles, LA... BECAUSE it is legal in LA (that is Louisiana, not Los Angeles) to tattoo minors (over 16 years old) with parental consent. Laughing... it is NOT legal n TX... so, we are driving about 3 hours from home to the lovely "border" town of Lake Charles to tattoo our son for his graduation present.... because (as I have been informed) that is what all good Red Neck Mama's do for their babies when their babies graduate under the age of 18. LOL! Only me, I swear... every other teenager goes and does it behind their parents back and without approval, mine asks for my approval, for me to drive/sign/pay for the thing! I can hardly believe it myself. It is good that I am so understanding and open minded. I will say that I do approve of his selection - a cross he drew and designed himself for his left shoulder in memory of his sister. For that I am grateful... that his choice is tasteful and hidden from future job opportunities. I don't think he will ever regret this one, as most people do regret their first tattoo. So, we are leaving the city limits of Houston, headed east. And I am overjoyed and proud of my son, the graduate, my sister the surrogate, and excited about my new baby.... Love fills my heart and soul. XOXO

IT'S THE BIG DAY!!!

I can not believe that today is finally here!! We have waited so long!! I went in this morning for my bloodwork at about 7:15 and they said we will not have the results until about noon. Do they not understand how stressful it is to wait that long!! Like we have not waited long enough!! Anyway, I'm at work now...watching the time go by...so slow!! I'm so nervous and anxious about the results, but I am pretty sure it's going to be positive. I've been feeling many pregnancy symptoms in the last couple days...fatigue and tender breasts being the major ones. As anxious and excited I have been about the test this morning, I seemed to have no trouble falling asleep. It took me a whole 5 minutes to fall asleep last night, compared to the 30 seconds it's been taking me...haha!! Jen and Alysha seem to think that I have had my first craving (chili)...I don't think so...can't a girl just love chili? We'll see!! Well it's about 9:20 now...so just a little longer!! I know everyone is just as anxious to hear the results!! Especially my seester Kellie, who called me at about 5:15am her time this morning. Love you Kellie!!

only a couple more days until the test!

I am so glad Wednesday is here... there is so much waiting in this process. It is a journey of the most amazing sorts, that is for sure. Jaime called me today after researching signs and symptoms of pregnancy on the world wide web... she is positive the pregnancy test will be positive. And... how do you try NOT to get your hopes up when your hopes are on a gift this big? I have no idea, but Jaime and I have spend all week trying not to get our hope up... and yet, those HOPES are SO UP! DUH, how could they not be? I mean, we are talking about a baby here... why stay reserved? Richard asked when I was going to complete the nursery and I told him I was waiting, not that I am superstitious or anything... but, I am waiting! I am ready for the positive pregnancy test results... I am ready for positive!!!

tuesday morning

I just learned from cousin Denise last night that surrogacy is a sin or at least considered a sin by the Catholic Church... I had no idea there were such extreme ethical and religious connotations to the birth of a child by way of surrogacy. So, I did a little web searching and she was right - I was shocked at the stuff I read. We are not Catholic, but do have a very spiritual side to us and our relationship with God. I am just shocked and it makes me really sad for people who can't have a child by "natural" means. I was totally saddened by this. Then, that got me thinking. I was raised a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormon) and even was a practicing Mormon into my young adulthood, when my children were young. After researching the web, I found that the LDS church also disapproves and the following was an article on faith and ethics published in Great Britain that states: "Mormons accept conventional infertility treatment, including artificial insemination by the husband.Artificial insemination by donor is not banned, but not encouraged.Artificial insemination of single women is not approved. Surrogate motherhood is not approved.In vitro fertilisation using semen from anyone but the husband or an egg from anyone but the wife is strongly discouraged, but not banned." So, then I had to call my Pastor to find out our beliefs. I mean it never fully occurred to me that this method of bringing our own biological child into the world would be a sin against God and have this looming possibility of damning my eternal soul! I mean, i is a little late now to be finding this out. The idea of the sin itself goes against what my heart tells me, as I feel strongly that Jeff and I have been lead in a prayerful journey to make this decision to have our own biological child. That we have been given a glorious gift of life by Jaime and her womb. That we would have no other way - as with so many infertile couples - of having or own child. I can no longer carry children and it is out of the question to risk my LIFE to have a genetic, biological child the "old-fashioned" way. So, what I found is that my soul is indeed safe. Methodist beliefs are in-sync with a union between faith and science and that family options are evolving as society changes. It isn't a sin for my core beliefs and I was so blessed to have come to this conclusion today... since I am just a few days away from a pregnancy test for my surrogate mom (my adored sister-in-law and surro-angel). I know in my own heart that Jeff and I have prayed and sought counseling, both psychological and spiritual, to help bring us to this decision. We prayed and prayed and I just knew in my heart and soul this was the option for us. Not the cheapest route, not the least complicated, and certainly not without dilemma... but it was where I feel God led us on the journey through faith and love. I am so glad Lani was available for emergent consultation on the topic of surrogacy and that I again feel supported, loved, and without sin. My personal relationship with Christ will bring me through this trial and I have faith that the still-small voice I heard in answer to my prayers was indeed our Savior by way of the Holy Spirit. What a blessing and joy to have that fill my soul. Just another stepping stone in my navigation through this life... I am at peace with my decision and I honor anyone who has the ability and opportunity to be a surrogate. Being able to bring life and give this gift is so AWESOME. We are truly blessed. My beliefs are no longer challenged and I know I am doing the right thing for my family... thanks again Jaime! XOXO

important week

It's Monday again! This week will surely have taken its toll by Friday... I have so much to do at the house (my own projects, like hanging ceiling fans, replacing locks on doors, painting, cleaning, organizing, hanging pictures... the list is endless. Not only that, but this is the big push this week for house construction with the professionals coming in to lay all the flooring, the painting... the kitchen cabinets go in this week (oh, to have a kitchen back)... I mean things are happening. Cheri will be finishing the painting in the hall and the hall bath. When I say stuff is moving along... it really is! Mom and I have a field trip Friday this week - starting with breakfast with Jaime - for PREGNANCY TEST RESULTS - omg, i CAN HARDLY WAIT. It seems like it has been ages... we just are so ready for the ++++, I know there is a risk for a negative test.... and I am sure many of you are wondering and asking, well - what if it is negative? Then, we unfreeze some of those tiny frozen embryos and start again.... BUT, the important thing to focus on this week is Jaime is feeling great, albeit a little extra tired. She is already craving chili (it's a sign, but she doesn't think so)... I am laughing, we sound like Rosie O'Donnell and Meg Ryan in Sleepless in Seattle, "It's a Sign" - well, the doorbell is ringing and Rhonda is here and that is my cue to get started and busy today! Yeah! Have a great week and don't forget to send your prayers this way! XOXO
PS: I am feeling PINK this week!

just for today

Just for today, I am feeling so much better than yesterday. Whatever GI viral or bacterial junk that was, it was stinky! I am glad it is over. The house is coming along... we get our electrical inspection tomorrow, all the appliances arrived today except the microwave (it is still en route)... the plumber was back today to work on the "hall" bath... Dad says I can't call it "Jake's bathroom" anymore, since Jake has been relocated to the pool house for his new residence, so that we can have the added bonus of a guest room. I am excited for that with so much family coming to visit for Jake's high school graduation. This is going to be fun. The cabinets for the kitchen should've shipped from the mfr today. I hope they did... they should be installed next week. Then, those counter tops can get ordered. The flooring and painting starts Monday - whoo whoo. Anyone who has lived in their house while renovating it knows that is can be very, very complicated and messy. Since we are without a kitchen, no living area, no dining room, down one bathroom... and the only really livable rooms are the Master and the office... what a hoot! Of course, even the torn up areas shame the Master bath - LOL! It is so old and so ugly... hopefully next summer that room can get done. It will be the last one to really need it. Today, Cheri was here working on the hall, too... all the priming will be done tonight and she is a master baseboard installer... they look great. It is going to be awesome to have the hall painted and complete for the flooring to be installed early next week. I can't wait to step on some solid surfaces (other than concrete, LOL). I will be so excited to have tile flooring back. Jeff's west coast trip is getting delayed with an additional stop in LA... he hates LA, but I think it will work out to pick him up Friday morning and have some alone time... then, i get my date night with Jake tomorrow for sushi and a movie. That rocks! He has been working so much and with Jeff out of town, I feel more married to Rhonda, my designer and new found friend and Cheri, my old(not literally) and dear friend who are working with me on this house. On the agenda for tonight will surely be hanging some stuff on my bedroom walls and doing some much needed laundry. The dogs have been swimming almost all day and playing... I have been doing homework - just a few more assignments for this class to be complete. My goal is to finish this paper before bed! Tomorrow is filled with errands and getting the house and prepped as possible for Jeff's return. As always, I try to make the construction site as homey as possible - something similar to the honeymoon suite on "It's A Wonderful Life." LOL! Just wanted y'all to have an uplifting - not so sentimental update to my life and know that more goes on than emotions and baby planning and baby making! LOL! So... on and on. XOXO

recovering and crying

I am so tearful and grateful today. I was watching that special delivery show on the Discovery Channel and there was a surrogate that gave birth to twin boys... I was so touched by the generosity of this woman to provide a baby (or in this case, babies) to a complete stranger. I am blessed, I have the love of my sister (in-law) and her willingness, her offer, and her love to help bring our genetic child (children for the sisters who continue to hope for multiple babies in Jaime's womb) into this world. I am missing Jacque so much - it is Mother's Day week that gets me... and probably not in the way most people think. Jacque could make any day and everyday special and it wasn't just the holiday, but three weeks before any special day she would be looking for hints for gifts, talking about the holidays, looking through every single James Avery and Brighton and Coach catalog... picking out the "cutest" items and asking what I wanted. So, if you were blessed enough to know Jacque, you know how she would bring so much excitement, gratitude and love to a special event. So... I was so busy the week leading up to it with the egg retrieval, sperm aspiration, and embryo transfer. Keeping busy will not keep grief at bay... it is a journey that must be traveled and that I try to do constantly: travel my grief journey. This year, it hit me on the backside of the holiday...as I should have anticipated. I am fully aware that this child is not a replacement of my shining star. As those who know me well know, that I would've had dozens of children had my body allowed me... that was not in the cards. But, this fresh new start at new life and at a new child certainly is bringing hope and purpose back for the entire family. I am always finding that I continue to grow as a person and this journey through infertility has been amazing so far! I always reflecting on what I have to be grateful for, what the Lord has blessed me with. I have so been blessed with the two most amazing children and despite being a teen mother, an uneducated, poor,and very young mother I did raise two completely awesome children. I have been married to the same great man for 20 years... despite the odds against us. I have the gift of the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my life and a very large and supportive church family that shower us with love and opportunities. I have a great extended family that is never short on love... and the most amazing siblings. Blessings abound. Jaime has expressed she is nervous that something will go wrong and I just keep assuring her that this is now in God's hands, have faith and know that we have done all we can to ensure the safe arrival from Heaven of our long awaited package of life. I am delighted in the joy on this part of my journey in life... delighted to have Jaime by my side, sharing this with me... I couldn't ask for anyone better than she is... she is awesome. I mean, awesome! All my sisters rock! xoxo

Monday after the transfer.........

Monday has been FILLED with stuff to do, that is for sure! Jeff is on the west coast for the week and I went to mail Jake's graduation announcements... It is about time - it took me forever to get it together enough to actually mail them... while in line I met a sweet nurse from MHHS Katy Hospital L&D (kismet) - Jaime and I hadn't fully decided where to deliver and Jeff thinks Katy would be a better choice than St. Catherine's because I know everyone at Katy.... well, not everyone... Anyway, she works with my dear friend Amy (I love you Amy and those photos of Wesley are awesome, keep them coming)... so I passed along a hello to Amy and this nurse (I won't name her due to privacy stuff (mainly I didn't ask her permission to blog about her, that is always a sign to keep it private). Right there in the long line at the Katy Post Office, I decided that yes, that is where we will deliver our baby... This lovely nurse has 6 kids of her own and even adopted one while pregnant with another... and I am just saying, God , PLEASE give me the strength.... I have always felt blessed and capable, but multiple babies scare me. We agreed this will be the longest 40 weeks. I told her since we have been seeing the fertility specialist since early in the year, this was already the longest pregnancy on record.... LOL! Thanks, beautiful nurse who inspired me and who gave me words of encouragement - without even knowing all we have been through. You were Heaven sent and my visiting Angel today... I needed the uplift. The day after mother's day is hitting me a little harder than mother's day itself did... just missing my Jacque a lot and feeling her presence, but wishing her present.
Anyway, Jaime and I are just waiting (as I am sure all of you are) for the pregnancy test date.... May 23rd will be coming round the bend pretty darn fast! Jaime and I will rest easier when we know for sure - fr sure there is a positive on the pregnancy test.... we have to keep plugging away. It will be a quiet couple weeks... but, we will try to keep it interesting. Thank goodness for Cheri keeping me busy today! XOXO

HAPPY BABY DAY!!

It is so hard to believe that the day has finally come! It seems like we waited so long for this! I think I have done so well with all the hormones but yesterday was so overwhelming that I couldn't keep the tears from coming! Thanks Kellie! It started early in the morning getting ready to go...I got my first phone call from Kellie. She stressed to me how amazing I am for what I am about to do. We had such a wonderful and tearful conversation. I'm so happy that I was able to talk to her before the transfer! The procedure went great! It was so quick and so painless! Like Jen said, it was just the two of us in the room and we had the most incredible moment together! It was nothing I could ever describe! There was no need for words! I am so very thankful that I am the one that can give them this child! I am the one to bring them so much happiness! I can't even describe the feelings that I have! I'm excited to be pregnant and experience what it's all about...but I am so overwhelmed with the love and bonding it has created within my family! Our family has always been so close, but it has brought us together even more...if that's even possible. After the transfer we did nothing but watch movies, eat and nap...it's been a very relaxing weekend! Much needed! Last night I had a hard time falling asleep. I kept thinking about that moment with Jen in the room...and I just cried! I tried to explain it to Alysha and just couldn't! I'm just so happy to give them this gift! I just pray that everything goes well and we get a happy, healthy baby! Today has been just as non-productive! We watched movies, ate, watched a movie, napped, ate, watched more movies...I think you get the picture! Oh hey...I left out all the times I take my meds!! I've been feeling a bit like dad with all these pills. Anyway, I'm doing really good. Everyone keeps asking if I feel any different. I don't feel any different physically...but mentally, yes. It's just so crazy thinking I might be pregnant! Thanks mom and jen and Alysha for looking out for me this weekend and making it so incredibly relaxing! Dad and Jeff too!! Well only 12 days till we find out if we are pregnant!! A new countdown begins!! It's the day after my birthday!

embryo transfer

This morning around 9am, while many were praying for us, jaime was the recipient of 3 embryos... we had some very healthy, well developed embryos for the transfer. I know everyone is concerned with multiples (ie, triplets, twins, etc.), here is the deal: there is less than one percent chance of having triplets with the three embryos and less than twenty five percent chance at twins... it looks like a ninety percent chance of a totally healthy baby with ivf... we just continue to be chill-axin jake calls it. So, everything is good so far and we are so blessed and so emotional. Jaime and Alysha have been snuggled up on the couch, under the blankets and I took a several hour nap... after this morning and all the tears of joy, we needed it. Amazing, I got to be in the room with Jaime and we held hands and cried while she received those beautiful embryos that are bringing the hope a new healthy child to our lives. Jeff and Alysha waited in the other room for us... it didn't take long, but our laughter and tears and eye contact was amazing. I am filling up with tears right now just typing this and remembering how precious that moment was for us... Oh, what joy and hope and love Jaime has brought to us with this incredible gift - there aren't words.... xoxo

2 More Days!!!

WOW!!! Only 2 days left!!! I am soooo excited, I can hardly stand it. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm sure I'm ready...and yes, of course I am!!! Each day it gets closer, I get so much more excited. It's so overwhelming!!! To see how incredibly happy my brother and sister are just gives me so much excitement and happiness. To know that I am the one person that can change their lives...is so amazing!!! To know that their baby will be here because of me....wow it's just so unbelievable!!! I'm so thankful to be able to give this incredible gift to my brother and sister!!!

Now on a side note...what I'm not excited about are these fun medications that keep getting thrown at me!!! Yay!!! I won't get into details...but oh yes...so much fun!!! Between now and Friday I start 3 new ones. The great thing is...I am FINALLY done with my shots!!! I know Alysha is happy...haha!!! I feel like I have been on those shots forever!!! It's only been a month...but it feels like so much longer.

Well, Friday morning it is...9am...so keep us in your prayers as always...just please don't pray for triplets!!!

the day after...waiting for the call

Here it is: May 7th! This is the awaited date of our 20th wedding anniversary... Jeff and I have known each other since 1984. That is amazing. Of course, we didn't start dating until AFTER puberty (LOL)! We started dating in May of 1987. I was a mere 16 years old and I was able to find the love of my life and my soul mate. What a blessing this is for me. And, so many people thought it wouldn't last. They totally underestimated our stubborn streaks and how dedicated were are to our family, regardless of the storms along the way. And, let me tell you, we have had some severe storms... but, I wouldn't trade those awesome learning experiences (save one very obvious loss). I can hardy believe tat 20 years ago today, Carol was taking me to Swensen's Ice Cream in Cerritos for a bubble gum ice cream sundae, right after a totally nutritious 5 am meal of biscuits and gravy (thanks dad). I look back and I laugh at the location Jeff chose, the dresses and decorations my mother chose, and all the people who worked so hard to make the reception at my aunt and uncle's house work. What a hoot. Had I been in control... LOL! Oh, the times they have changed. So, the best gift we will receive today is the number of fertilized eggs that are in the blastocyst phase of development. This will determine the exact day (Friday, Saturday, or Sunday) that we do the embryo transfer and entrust our awesome sister, Jaime with our future baby (yes, babies). I can't wait for the call, I am so excited.

Unfortunately, I am also very edgy this morning... hormone withdraw I am sure. Laughing. I am still quite sore and very fatigued. This whole process is taking a bit of a toll on me, but it is well worth it. I think even Jeff is hoping for twins at this point (freaks, all of them...LOL). We have been so very blessed to have this opportunity at another child, another precious life entrusted to our care. Again, tears fill my eyes just knowing how truly blessed we are. How, without Jaime's total insistence on carrying our child, that we would've simply adopted. Now, we have a genetic link to the future (again). Mom and Dad are so excited and so supportive. We couldn't ask for more support right here in our own backyard. They are there fr us: early morning drives to the doctor office (which is WAY past Fry Rd... huh, mom?), dad making me snacks and treats, letting us crash at their house and spend the days and evenings, feeding us while our house is under major construction, supporting our decision to have another baby, giving shots (did I mention that mom was excellent at shots?), and just being there to support us through the mood swings, the tension, the stuff that goes with fertility treatments...

OK, just heard from the doctor office and here is the scoop:
Out of the 17 healthy eggs they retrieved, 12 of them were mature enough...
of those, 9 actually fertilized and those are our embryos... 9 of them, growing in a happy medium this morning. Friday morning at 9 am is our embryo transfer. We will be placing 3 of those beautiful embryos into Jaime's ready womb... Excited and overwhelmed... what a gift. What a blessing and an answer to our prayers... I called Mom and Dad right away... then, Kellie and Jaime called us and we are gonna busy with all this news today! We have another three-way going! I better get going! xoxo

Houston, we have eggs and sperm!

It was a very early morning, but gratitude fills my soul for Mom getting up long before the crack of dawn to take Jeff and I to Dr. K's office for procedures. We checked in at 6am and we were excited, even without coffee. Jeff went first with the urologist, who Jeff said has a wonderful bedside manner. He was in the procedure room about 45 minutes. They were about to totally give up on finding sperm, when the Dr said to check the first aspiration sample again... and miracles of all miracles: there were "swimmers." So, they had what they needed. The Dr said it isn't enough to freeze, but more than enough for today's procedures. Several attempts have created some trauma to the area and Jeff will be sore. We were elated. That was the best news. Then, I was next. I heard tell it only took about 10-15 minutes to harvest all the eggs and follicles. I got some extra trauma s they not only went in both sides vaginally, but also through my abdomen itself. When it was all done, they counted up those healthy eggs and guess what? 17 healthy, strong, ready to be fertilized eggs. We are so blessed. Jeff is napping right now, having a hard time keeping his eyes open. I already slept for a couple of hours after coming home. Dad and Cheri are doing a great job at waiting on me and taking care of me at mom and dad's... especially since my house is under total construction. Tomorrow afternoon we should have the report that says how many fertilized and what day Jaime goes in for the embryo transfer, I can hardly wait. This is so very, very exciting. I am blessed and my prayers praise God for His mercy and love. He has certainly showered up with all that we need with this procedure. Thanks for all your prayers, we felt wrapped in them like a warm blanket on a cold night, we both had peace, no anxiety, and things went well. We will have our own genetic children... so much for trying to use sperm donors.. .LOL! Please feel free to offer your comments... we would love to hear from you! XOXO

TODAY!

Well, here we are. Jeff is finishing up his shower and mom is on her way over... we are headed to Dr. K's office this morning for the egg retrieval and sperm aspiration procedures... for those who were asking: YES, we are both OUT for these. We are so not awake. You can google the procedures to see what is entailed in our morning. We are so excited and I am so emotional. It took me hours to go to sleep last night and I was starving after all day with clear liquids. LOL! I actually had hunger pangs going to sleep last night and I couldn't help reflecting on how blessed I am in my life to always go to bed with a full tummy, so I said prayers for those in third world countries who go without food every single day! Then, I started to cry more thinking about my journey through grief and where my life has taken me... gain, I am blessed. We need prayers this morning: prayers to locate Jeff's dormant sperm via aspiration, that they get healthy eggs from me (and not old lady eggs), and that they are able to fertilize them together, creating our future baby... Oh,the card I got from Jeff last night - he is so awesome and I am so blessed... I will write more later. But, know he is totally excited for this and we are even more in love than ever... well, at least until the baby arrives - then we will be sleep deprived and ignore each other like most new parents! LOL! Love to all and thanks for the prayers... xoxox

evening time...

i am just an hour away from taking the hcg injection that has to be done 36 hours before the retrieval. i can hardly believe it is here. i am so blessed. tomorrow i have a clear liquid diet all day, so i will be staying with dad at his house - since i don't have a kitchen and the only fridge is in jake's house...filled with condiments and stuff. there will be tons of workers at my house tomorrow: running gas lines, destroying the hall bath, starting electrical and tearing out flooring. i so need to be away from this mess and relaxed with my Popsicles. mom made us dinner tonight and that was such a blessing - we are so lucky to have such awesome parents, to cook for us and take care of us while we are without a kitchen. i have been so emotional today, tearing up about anything and everything... what a mess. between that and my very much needed three hour nap, i am still worn out. i am so filled and bloated and crampy. this is the most miserable part and i know my sisters are right in that all of this will be worth it. i am so excited, jaime will be pregnant by the end of the week. with out babies... we pray that one of the three we are planning to transfer to her much-ready womb will be healthy and our future baby. the donor (back-up plan) sperm is in the doctor's office... Jeff is ready for his "procedure" and we are so excited to have a baby. i know we keep saying that over and over, but there was a very tender moment when we were leaving Dr. K's office this morning where Jeff took my hand and raised it to his lips, then kissed it ever so sweetly, looked me in the eyes and said he was so happy and so excited. i can hardly stand it, just the thought brings tears back to my eyes. i know that God has a plan for me and i am so very, very blessed (is there another word that describes this?). mom is so happy, you can totally tell she is ready to welcome home our bundle of joy and babysit on fridays for us... dad doesn't say much, but i asked him tonight what he thought... and he said he was excited for us a all of a sudden it feels real. dad would like to have twins in our family. i reminded them all that we have twins on both sides already and we don't really have to set a standard. i agree that it feels real this week - more real than it has been. we need all the prayers we can get... we are excited, elated, blessed, prayerful, jubilant... xoxo

Sunday before the retrieval...

Jeff and I went to Dr. K's office this morning (yes, they open on Sundays just for those patients that need a weekend visit)... We both had the last of our blood work and my last big ultrasound before the event. Jeff is scheduled for 6am on Tuesday, I am scheduled for 8am. The ultrasound today was amazing... I have over 17 follicles (eggs) on my right ovary that are approximately 1.5-2cm each - that is a lot! It is no wonder I am in total discomfort. The left side was harder to view and lower, so the current count is less for what they could see... but it is the more painful side. Only 2 more shots tonight (the HCG) that will burst those follicles into READY! I will have no shots tomorrow, but be on a clear liquid diet in preparation for the "surgery" on Tuesday morning. We will know on Wednesday when Jaime has the embryo transfer... either Fri-Sat-Sun. I cant wait. After calculations, the EDC (due date) is now 1/27/08. Can you believe this? It is too amazing.

I was so emotional this morning - really tearful. Actually, the past two days have been really, really emotional for me. Like, no matter what anyone says, I start to cry. We got to spend last night with Jaime and Alysha and Jake had prom and it was all so emotional and loving. The house is totally torn up for construction and remodeling. We have no kitchen, which means we are going to mom and dad's for dinner. Everything i moving along... more to come. XOXO

spoke too soon

Well, I did - I spoke too soon. I got a call from Dr. K's office this afternoon to stop my Menopur and keep the other two injections going... and to go into the office on Sunday morning for blood work. Looks like the egg and sperm retrieval dates have been moved up to Tuesday, May 6, 2008. Everything is a go for then and the development of the eggs is so great! We are tickled and excited. Jeff is on his way home from OK now and then he will be home most of next week (recovery, you know). I will be glad he is here. I have had an emotional day and I am completely wiped out. I didn't realize it would make me so tired to be an egg-producing factory. So, we need prayers for happy healthy embryos (yes, happy) to place in jaime next week... her uterus is ready and in great condition for a baby! XOXO

Friday before the egg retrieval

So - both Wednesday and Friday I have gone to Dr K's office for ultrasounds and blood work. So far, we are right on schedule. Which means that we are on target for the egg retrieval to happen on our anniversary May 7 early in the morning. The photo shows the right ovary (top two photos)and the fluid filled follicles that hold the precious eggs. This is just one snap shot and each ovary is overloaded, I think our tech counted like 28 eggs/follicles this morning. They aren't quite mature enough yet, but they should be by Monday. The bottom ultrasound photo is of the left ovary and a few of the follicles. It is totally amazing. So, these are the first baby photos we have: a football team is in there! I am up to 3 different injections daily and getting my blood drawn three times a week. I am so sick of needles, that is for sure! LOL! In my (former) line of work, it is totally better to give than to receive! We are so excited and everyone in the family that we can think of has been told the wonderful news. We are so excited to be bringing another gorgeous spirit into our home, our hearts and our lives. Jaime also went to Dr. K today and it sounds like her uterus is ready... Go Jaime! She is even ok if its twins... she is such a great surrogate. And a great Auntie, and an awesome sister. I am so grateful for Kellie waking up at the crack of dawn (O-dark-thirty CA time)... to do three-way calling with Jaime and I to discuss the moral and ethical issues of selective reduction if we need to... and to discuss my nervous breakdown related to the hormones... I needed to have all my sisters together - (I don't think Robyn and Jess are up at 5am CA time)... I am so emotional right now and so overwhelmed with excitement. We are so happy and on target to get Jaime preg-o next week. On another note... I have no kitchen right now, totally destroyed and gutted today - and the bathroom will be, too. That is too funny! Like I don't have enough going on. Things are very smooth in my life right now (touch wood) and I hope they continue that way.... I need the peace of mind and peace in my heart. Much love is filling our world and we are so blessed - praying for a happy, healthy baby (most important) - and some time to get everything ready.... XOXO