recovering and crying

I am so tearful and grateful today. I was watching that special delivery show on the Discovery Channel and there was a surrogate that gave birth to twin boys... I was so touched by the generosity of this woman to provide a baby (or in this case, babies) to a complete stranger. I am blessed, I have the love of my sister (in-law) and her willingness, her offer, and her love to help bring our genetic child (children for the sisters who continue to hope for multiple babies in Jaime's womb) into this world. I am missing Jacque so much - it is Mother's Day week that gets me... and probably not in the way most people think. Jacque could make any day and everyday special and it wasn't just the holiday, but three weeks before any special day she would be looking for hints for gifts, talking about the holidays, looking through every single James Avery and Brighton and Coach catalog... picking out the "cutest" items and asking what I wanted. So, if you were blessed enough to know Jacque, you know how she would bring so much excitement, gratitude and love to a special event. So... I was so busy the week leading up to it with the egg retrieval, sperm aspiration, and embryo transfer. Keeping busy will not keep grief at bay... it is a journey that must be traveled and that I try to do constantly: travel my grief journey. This year, it hit me on the backside of the holiday...as I should have anticipated. I am fully aware that this child is not a replacement of my shining star. As those who know me well know, that I would've had dozens of children had my body allowed me... that was not in the cards. But, this fresh new start at new life and at a new child certainly is bringing hope and purpose back for the entire family. I am always finding that I continue to grow as a person and this journey through infertility has been amazing so far! I always reflecting on what I have to be grateful for, what the Lord has blessed me with. I have so been blessed with the two most amazing children and despite being a teen mother, an uneducated, poor,and very young mother I did raise two completely awesome children. I have been married to the same great man for 20 years... despite the odds against us. I have the gift of the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my life and a very large and supportive church family that shower us with love and opportunities. I have a great extended family that is never short on love... and the most amazing siblings. Blessings abound. Jaime has expressed she is nervous that something will go wrong and I just keep assuring her that this is now in God's hands, have faith and know that we have done all we can to ensure the safe arrival from Heaven of our long awaited package of life. I am delighted in the joy on this part of my journey in life... delighted to have Jaime by my side, sharing this with me... I couldn't ask for anyone better than she is... she is awesome. I mean, awesome! All my sisters rock! xoxo